Okay, so first off, I'm back at home for the summer.  Thus I'm bored out of my mind and going crazy from the forced loneliness and separation from everything and everyone that I hold dear.  I already miss being able to simply walk anywhere I need to go, or just walk down the hall to talk to friends.  Or even more so, being able to simply pick up my cell and after one call, have someone to hang out with.  I miss meeting people to just hang out on campus.  And this after only spending two days at home.  Perhaps this is all just a big spiral of things adding on the fact that I have been locked in my room almost all day with a terrible migraine (and thus was reading my "trashy sex books" as Brandon calls them).  *sigh*  This summer is going to be nearly unbearable.

To relieve the suspense over sophomore review, I survived (but just barely, I think).  The playing aspect went fairly well I thought.  But the real terror came when the professors asked me to come and talk with them.  Perhaps first I should explain my insane nervousness around professors.  I was always brought up to think of teachers as being almost god-like, and thus I have always found it terribly hard to talk to them.  Thus another batch of nerves set in when I was forced to sit and talk with my professors regarding my future.  Also one of my nervous reactions is that I cry.  And thus after very little time sitting and chatting with the professors, I burst into tears.  And not the dignified tears of adults, I mean the nasty childish "I want my mommy" tears.  It wasn't anything the professors had said, just nerves breaking and sending me over the edge.  But other than my nasty (seemingly unprovoked) bout of tears, I think it went pretty well considering.

And so now I am at home.  I'm bored out of my mind and driven insane by loneliness.  I have a deepened respect for those who have to spend long periods of time from their loved ones, and those who lose them too earlier.  It is so hard that I don't think I could handle being such a person.  Thus I shall spend most of my time trying to keep my mind from thinking on the countdown until September and returning to school and those that I love.  Whatever shall I do at the end of next year when graduation comes around and takes them from me?  I shall just lean on the infinite wisdom of William Shakespeare for now and end with this:  "All days are nights to see till I see thee, And nights bright days when dreams do show thee to me."

~*~  Row  (who is now a college junior)  ~*~

Okay, so here's the update from the weekend (aka Spring Formal). 

First let me just say that my flute professor that I've had for the last two years, is leaving.  She's moving back up north to be closer to her family, so I understand.  Although it's still sad for me, because she has been one of the closest professors for me.  But I content myself with the knowledge that we're getting a full time flute professor (since apparently the incoming freshman include quite a few flute players!), and the knowledge that I had a great professor for the first two years of my college education. 

Also, while discussing some of the questions that the music department professors might ask, she suggested a grad school program for me that I hadn't even thought of.  And it sounded really interesting.  Arts Administration.  I looked over some of the grad schools and found a few that interested me.  So I think I might look over that in more detail.  But it has been really interesting to me the last few days.

As for the Spring Formal, this is what happened.  I had a blast!  I went with my roomie and our two younger brothers.  I have to say, that I looked amazing.  I will try to get some pictures on here as soon as my roomie gets up the urge to upload them onto her computer so I can steal them.  But the formal was in general rather entertaining.  So I have resolved to go to all the functions next year, though hopefully with other company.

And now for closing, my practice hasn't begun for the week yet.  Although I know that it shall be mainly piano practice, as I have an hour long lesson on Wednesday (not to mention a few new pieces).  So practice hasn't been hardly anything.

And now I shall sign off to go to a party.

~*~  Row  ~*~

Okay, so here I am, up almost an hour before class, and sitting here posting to this since it's been over a week since my last one.  I'm not really sure why I do this sort of thing, but maybe I just need to get back to owning up to myself.  Yesterday was a student recital here.  I had to play.  It turned out to be good, of course I still messed up (I can never seem to perform in front of the music people as nicely as I do in practice), but it was still good.  I played "Minuet from L'Arlesienne" by Georges Bizet.  It's a good piece, right in the romantic era where I do the best.

Speaking of music and playing and such . . .  Practice hasn't been that great this week.  I went nazi practicing on either Monday or Tuesday for almost two hours, but haven't really practiced much elsewise.  And that isn't on piano either.  On piano, it's nada, zilch, zero.  So I feel a bit worried and guilty about that.  So guilt, worry, and stress are making me major sick.  But hopefully it's just that and not some other random bug that only I seem to be susceptible to like most often happens.

Tonight is the spring formal and I'm going with my roomie, her brother, and possibly my brother.  Sad, isn't it?  I'm going to look gorgeous (or as much so as is possible for someone like me) and for no one to see.  But that tends to be my plot in life.  I know I'm not that pretty or such, but I suppose part of me wants recognition.  I've never had anyone treat me in any special way, and don't really expect much on the way of admirers, but it might still be nice for once.

I realized yesterday that I have less than two weeks until sophomore reviews.  That also means only a week and some odd days until my two biggest exams.  So the stress level has gone through the roof.  But hopefully I can tamp down on it and make it out.  Besides, I might be able to get a job as a historical reenactor over the summer!!  So that's the bit of sunshine in my stress clouded world.

And now it is time to get ready for classes.  I have effectively wasted my free morning time in posting this that I'm not even sure people will read.  But here it is.  Out for all the world to see.

~*~  Row  ~*~

Okay, so I finally joined up on livejournal.  Here's the start of all the insanity sure to come.  But regardless, this is what's going to happen. 


1.)  All sanity shall be left at the door, none who are sane shall proceed to this.

2.)  This might just seem to be absentminded ramblings of some random person, but I am going to attempt to keep up with some semblance of structure.  ((Ex.  The main footer for most of the recent posts shall be keeping tally on various music major things ... and the countdown until the inevitable and horrible SOPHOMORE SURVEY ... aka big exam/performance where the music professors decide if I get into the department or not ... aka STRESSED TO THE MAX))

3.)  You will very much likely hear A LOT about my obsessions and such.  Not that anyone is really going to end up reading these things, right?

4.)  Insanity.  Just plain and simple.

5.)  There's not really a point five, but I just have some built in mechanism that makes me make lists in factors of five.


So there's what to expect ... not that I'm expecting people to actually read these things anyways.  ;-P


~*~ Row ~*~

PRACTICE TOTAL FOR WEEK:   2 hours on my own ... not to mention a marathon 3 hour Sinfonia rehearsal on Monday ...
COUNTDOWN UNTIL SOPHOMORE SURVEY:   Sinfonia concert this Friday, spring formal next Friday, end of classes the next Friday ... so about three weeks ... *panic*